During an election season, broaching the topic of politics feels like handling a live grenade, no matter how casually the topic arises in conversation. Client dinners, business meetings, and family holidays are all high-risk situations, where political shrapnel has the potential to implode your important relationships.
Considering this, it’s common for leaders (and everyone in a company) to avoid political conversations altogether, sometimes shutting them down as soon as they begin. Others only talk about their political views after looking over their shoulder and closing the office door, ensuring that they’re surrounded by others who share similar values. However, these leaders are missing an opportunity to build an important skill.
Learning how to navigate conversations with those who hold different beliefs from us can not only make us more compassionate human beings, but it can also make us more effective leaders. It’s an important skill to cultivate, as politics—and other divisive topics—can’t be avoided in all situations.
Imagine this: you’re at a company offsite dinner where you and your co-workers have come together to enjoy a tasty meal and one another’s company. The election has just ended and, unexpectedly, the conversation turns to politics. Rather than shutting down the conversation, or excusing yourself from the table, this is an opportunity to embrace your curiosity and truly be present in a moment with others. It’s an exercise in holding different perspectives without taking things personally or pushing your own agenda.
This might feel impossible, but here are three tips to help you navigate conversations at high risk of becoming uncomfortable or hurtful:
1. Practice Self-Management
Typically, when we are confronted with a view that is egregiously different from our own, we feel triggered. We may feel threatened, and so we make assumptions about the other person and react defensively.
Self management is being able to work through these assumptions before uttering a single word. We have to recognize that our first reaction to those with different values is one born of emotion. If we choose to speak from this place, the conversation ends before either party has a chance to truly hear, much less understand, each other’s point of view. [See Conversation A below as an example].
Instead, practice self-management by allowing your knee-jerk reaction to roll through your head, silently. Note to yourself whatever feelings you have about what was said. No matter how uncomfortable you might be with the statements presented, put your unease to the side so that you can be present with the other people involved.
2. Embrace Curiosity
Meet the other person where they are. Rather than giving attention to your trigger, try to understand intellectually why this person holds this belief. If it helps, remember that the goal of the conversation is to get to know another person, not to debate a controversial or upsetting topic.
Often people who hold values contrary to our own also have life experiences that are vastly different from ours. The goal here is to try to be as objective as possible. Ask yourself: “Why is this so important to the other person? What experiences may have brought them here?” Remind yourself that whatever these core differences are, they’re a reflection of someone’s life, not a personal attack on you.
3. Instead of Ignoring the Discomfort, Acknowledge It
This is key to staying as close to objective as humanly possible. Instead of focusing on the topic at hand, focus on how the people involved are relating to what’s being talked about. Don’t let the discomfort become the elephant in the room: simply and honestly call it out.
Even if you disagree with others, you can paraphrase objectively, saying something in the vein of, “I hear you saying this… I see it this way… Sounds like we have different ideas.” [See Conversation B below].
Remind yourself that while your views and values reflect your own personal truth, it may not be someone else’s truth. Always consider the possibility of multiple perspectives being true simultaneously.
And now, as election season ramps up, it’s important to practice these tips and get comfortable embracing moments of discomfort. Once you learn to navigate tricky conversations in private settings, you can apply the skills above to your leadership. It’s easy to see how self-mastery or a curious approach to a disagreement might allow you to calm contentious business meetings. As you keep practicing, your ability to work through difficult situations will continue to grow, and you’ll be able to lead larger, more complex conversations with your team.
Erin Hutchins is an Adjunct Professor at Brown University and the Co-Founder of ACT Leadership, a leadership and performance coaching company focused on developing exceptional leaders. Erin co-developed, designed and leads the ACT Leadership + Performance Coaching Program and Team Coaching Program at the Brown School of Professional Studies. She is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). She has designed, created and delivered leadership development programs, coach training and team coaching to Fortune 100 companies and the U.S. Federal Government. Erin has trained over thousands of individuals to become certified coaches and leaders to adopt a coach approach.
Prior to entering the field of coaching and development, Erin was a change and organizational consultant for PwC and for the Federal Government. She has delivered coaching and leadership programs in North America, Europe, and Asia. Erin graduated from USC with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration.
Erin lives with her husband Mike Hutchins, also Co-Founder of ACT Leadership and their two daughters in the Washington DC area.
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