Sometimes things happen in life that are simply unexpected,
unfair, and come from out of the blue and smack you in the face like you were
never expecting it. That happened to me
this past January. I had a great career for
almost two decades consulting and teaching. My motto was “I teach what I do and
do what I teach”. Then one day, one half of that career was just gone. No warning, no expectation, no nothing; it
was simply gone and by no fault of my own.
When something like this happens: What does one do? What can
you do? What would you like to do? What is realistic? What is professional?
What is acceptable? Do I react? Do I accept? Do I move on? Do I start over?
There are so many questions running through your mind. It’s like you have been
running so fast and suddenly you hit a brick wall and you fall down and can’t
get back up, for what starts out to be hours, then days, then weeks which end
up turning into months.
How many of you have hit a brick wall in
your mid or late career? I am 100% positive I am not the only one. I remember the first time I was laid off at
23 years old as a Training Specialist for a mortgage banking company due to a
downturn in the economy. I was devastated
but too proud to go to the unemployment office.
Little did I realize back then that I earned that unemployment and
should have taken it. I was laid off a
few more times in my career and saw it coming again due to economic downturns,
company restructuring, etc. When you are
in HR management, often you know your job is going away before the rest of the
company knows, so it is part of the career path.
This time was different.
This time it was personal. This
time it had to do with what I believed in, what I stood for, what I taught,
what I consulted on, what was right and just.
While I still cannot talk about the details freely, I can say that it hit my core. I worried
about my reputation, what people thought of me, how I would come out of
this. Remember I told you this was no
fault of my own. However, what do we do
as women? We take on what is not ours to take on. Therapy helps and it is not a bad thing,
believe me! It took me a while to also
relate this situation to fears I had always lived with as well.
That brick wall represented fear and was like losing
something or someone. Part of myself. It was a huge loss. I finally realized: it was grief that I was
going through. It was not until I was
deep into the depression stage that this reality hit me. I had already managed the loss of half of my
career through the denial, anger, bargaining stages which took about one and a
half months. The depression stage was
the longest stage of all. It was
prolonged by COVID-19, quarantine, and the loss of several consulting and
training gigs. So in a way, I was
starting to feel I was hitting another brick wall because what did the future
hold with the consulting half of my career post COVID? I was starting to feel
that was going to be the next thing to go, to lose, to grieve.
I struggled with decisions about whether I should continue
to consult only, or if I should look for a full time HR job. I knew if I did that I would most likely have
to give up consulting. I have not worked
a typical 8 to 5 job for nearly 20 years.
I have been my own boss, managed my own schedule, and done so much
without being under someone else’s thumb for so long; how I could do that again? Luckily throughout all these months and all
these stages I had the support of so many positive people telling me I would be
ok, and this too shall pass.
Words like freedom, choice, and your own
path was used often in discussions.
While it took me a while to push down that brick wall and be open to
this change as a window instead of a wall, I finally came to see the light. I finally realized this is my chance to
finally put all my effort on revitalizing, building, and growing that
consulting firm that I started with nothing so many years ago. I have worked hard over the years to build my
skills, knowledge, and experience. I am
an HR subject matter expert after all having worked, consulted, and taught for
almost 30 years now. Why not look
through that window and see opportunity with clarity and purpose? Why not turn all that negative energy into
something positive, something better, and something that can help other? Continuing to help others is what I have
always been about.
You see, we all struggle, and this is not my first. It certainly will not be my last. I just hope I have inspired someone who is
reading this to not give up on your dreams just because someone else decides
one day to change your reality because they can. You have the power to change your own
future. Get up and do it and do not look
back. Look clearly through that window
of opportunity!